On motherhood

I’m feeling all sorts of things today.

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep.

I’m exhausted, but have been woken up almost every hour last night since putting my baby to sleep, and immediately rush to her side in fear of her waking the husband from his.

My back hurts, stretch marks over my belly and hips, and of course there exists the infamous mom belly flop, rolls and all. My body’s not how it used to be – I’m not one of those who’ve magically snapped back into pre-preggers shape. I tell people that I don’t mind it at all, but deep down I know that I resent it.

I took some time out for myself for a yoga session today in the hope of feeling a bit more like… well, just me. And it’s like all the aches and pains that I’ve been holding in and trying to brace are released and my body ends up hurting even more.

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40 weeks today

We’ve carried Baby to full term! 

Hospital bags packed, baby things ready, antenatal classes done, finally completed the hypnobirthing sessions too. I’m so ready to have this baby!

Have been getting more and more envious and anxious over the last weeks as picture after picture of babies from all the other moms in the antenatal class come through. 

Anticipation and excitement builds as I wonder when one of the most momentous events of my life will be!

But in the end I know that the little one will arrive at just the right moment, whenever she will be ready. 

Received a message from one of the French aunts:

The birth is the only blind date where you’re sure to meet the love of your life. 

Keeping actively occupied and going about business as usual is all I can do to avoid concentrating all my thoughts on expecting her arrival. 

Doesn’t help with people asking if baby’s here yet, or comments on how ‘tough’ it might be right now. 

For the record, I really Don’t feel terrible at all. In fact, I feel just fine and in good health. No excessive weight gain – just about 10 kilos – and don’t think baby’s too huge either so really, stop telling me I’m not fine unless I say so. 

Midwife I’d never even seen before at today’s appointment: “Is it just me, or do you also feel like you’ve been pregnant forever? It’s just that I keep seeing your name in our files.” Erm yes, I’ve had to carry this baby to full term as expected, which is now, and thanks for not telling me how I feel about myself. 

Booked a mani pedi for tomorrow because anyway I probably won’t be getting one for quite a while after…

3rd trimester pressure

So the countdown has begun.

I’m really starting to feel the pressure as the weeks now FLY by in the 3rd trimester… only 3 more before Baby is officially considered full-term.

Between sorting out the nursery, furniture for the apartment – we don’t even have a bed yet (but at least now it’s bought and waiting to be delivered) – baby supplies (buy this, buy that! all necessary!), maternity needs, all the RESEARCH that is involved before you even make the purchases…

  • Maternity photoshoot… I would like one but Hub’s travel schedule has been slightly whack – I hope we’ll have time for this. I guess at week 36/37. I hope I won’t struggle too much.
  • I haven’t sorted out bubs’ chinese name!

Then the full-time fatigue, body aches, breathlessness/difficulty breathing, frequent bathroom trips, hormonal/emotional/grumpy, crankiness, leg cramps, upwards and downwards pressure all at once, heartburn and not being able to eat as Baby crowds my stomach, temperatures rising in Dubai, and my pregnancy app informs me that my hormone levels SYKROCKET this week!

Oh, perfect. Marvellous.

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Gender reveal

Why are some people So Caught Up with the gender of the baby? That is something I will never understand. Boy or girl, it doesn’t matter. We love our baby all the same.

I cannot get enough questions about which gender I (we) prefer.

It is not a choice.

You can’t just order one to be picked up from a store.

I’m polite about it (the same way you really should be instead of asking such a question), but here’s what I would really like to say: it’s a really dumb question.

The same way people ask if I will change my nationality after getting married. I mean like, what – Excuse me? Do I change my whole identity as a person just because I got married? Or maybe I have stopped existing as the person I was for the last few decades because of a wedding? Or is it something that is on me just because I am the female of the couple? I don’t see the boy getting that question – it’s beyond ridiculous. But anyway that’s for another time.

So PLEASE, CONTINUE to ask us about gender preference because it thrills us so.

I have been keen on only finding out at the birth but for practical reasons like naming and nationality papers, decided otherwise. No big announcements planned though, just a birth announcement with a cute picture to look forward to, which is more than enough for me to think about at this point.