my birth plan

The first time I’d ever heard about a birth plan, I was quite surprised. I’d thought that preggies just rock up to the hospital screaming bloody murder, the medical team would take care of the rest, and then deliver the baby into your waiting arms.

Thinking back now, I would like to say a big HA HA to that very naive thought.

I was glad that my very first pregnant friend brought it up a couple of years back, when she had her birth plan deadline to meet, as it really turned out to be such an important piece in preparing for the birth of my first child.

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Parenthood

Parenthood: learning to do everything with one hand and some fingers – meals, making tea, opening a bottle of water, washing your hands…

Skills in Stealth Ninjahood are a strict requirement for the role. All manners of rolling over in every direction, contortion, standing from cross-legged/sleeping positions WITHOUT a bed squeak, bone crack or using your hands, as the arms are being trained by Baby Weights…

And please note that your baby will only fall asleep while you’re in the most uncomfortable, contorted position possible, and trying to adopt a more comfortable one thereafter is strictly forbidden as it results in one screaming, cranky baby, upset at being woken from her nap.

The hardest thing you will ever do

3 weeks in and I keep thinking back to what the midwife said during one of our antenatal classes:

Think about the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Being a parent is even harder than that, so much harder. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever do.

And it’s not handling the round-the-clock cycle of nursing, nappy changing, burping, laundry and uncontrollable screaming fits while being sleep deprived that makes it hard…

People think that’s what makes it so hard, but no. That kind of just becomes routine after a bit.

Yes, some days leave you so tired and frustrated. I’ve fallen asleep during night feeds to wake up with Baby sound asleep (thankfully still) in my lap, some nights where she’s still screaming for an extended period of time after we’ve exhausted all possibilities…

But the hardest and I might even say frightening part really is having someone completely dependent on you.

To be completely responsible for every need; that she grows well, that she’s happy, that she’s comforted, that she’s healthy – to have someone constantly demanding something from you. Especially when you’re breastfeeding – you can’t just pass the buck over to someone else for this one time. No pumping in the early weeks to avoid oversupply, and breastfed babies need to be fed about every other hour.

To be stronger than you thought you could be;

while the little one is fussing and throwing a fit in those dark hours while sucking as hard as possible on a nip that’s already shooting with pain and possibly bleeding. You want to scream in agony, cry and throw a fit too with the fatigue, frustration and postnatal recovery, but you must not shed a tear. You have to keep it all together, stay strong, but also remain calm and patient above it all to avoid adding to her stress because she’s just trying to communicate her needs, and is just as confused as you are.

That, is hard. So, so hard.

Surreal 

I’m now holding this dear tiny being in my arms and I still can’t quite believe I was pregnant just over a week ago. 

I keep asking the husband how it all happened as I piece together my perspectives with his accounts. 

And I think I finally understand what everyone means by loving someone else more than you’ve ever before. Because I feel like she holds a piece of my heart, and its this part of me that she will always keep with her. 

40 weeks today

We’ve carried Baby to full term! 

Hospital bags packed, baby things ready, antenatal classes done, finally completed the hypnobirthing sessions too. I’m so ready to have this baby!

Have been getting more and more envious and anxious over the last weeks as picture after picture of babies from all the other moms in the antenatal class come through. 

Anticipation and excitement builds as I wonder when one of the most momentous events of my life will be!

But in the end I know that the little one will arrive at just the right moment, whenever she will be ready. 

Received a message from one of the French aunts:


The birth is the only blind date where you’re sure to meet the love of your life. 

Keeping actively occupied and going about business as usual is all I can do to avoid concentrating all my thoughts on expecting her arrival. 

Doesn’t help with people asking if baby’s here yet, or comments on how ‘tough’ it might be right now. 

For the record, I really Don’t feel terrible at all. In fact, I feel just fine and in good health. No excessive weight gain – just about 10 kilos – and don’t think baby’s too huge either so really, stop telling me I’m not fine unless I say so. 

Midwife I’d never even seen before at today’s appointment: “Is it just me, or do you also feel like you’ve been pregnant forever? It’s just that I keep seeing your name in our files.” Erm yes, I’ve had to carry this baby to full term as expected, which is now, and thanks for not telling me how I feel about myself. 

Booked a mani pedi for tomorrow because anyway I probably won’t be getting one for quite a while after…